Every Other Weekend

 Every first and third Friday of the month the kids go with their father and come home that following Saturday at 5:30 pm.  During the summer months I didn't mind, but now there is school, and homework involved and it's affecting the kids.  It's affecting little J's attitude more and more I'm noticing because he's consistently coming home with homework daily.  

Last week little J's Reading teacher called me with bad news.  He's failing, and by failing, I don't mean just a little.  It's a lot!  We talked about his in schoolwork, homework and how he acts while he's there.  Come to find out he's not even finishing his work, and he will wander the classroom regardless how many times the teacher asks him to sit back down.  R and I ended up grounding him from all of his technology, which is now up to 2 weeks.

I called J and talked to him about the issues, the grounding and what I need him to do while the kids are with him.  R and I agreed, if little J can finish his homework while he's at his father's house, he can play video games with him.  J seemed to be on board, and I had to tell him (unfortunately in massive detail) how to take care of this situation.

- He will need to ask little J 'what do you have for homework?' Then I told him to pull everything out of the back pack and go through it because this child loves to 'hide and forget' his work.  
- Go through his daily planner, read and sign it.  
- If there is paperwork in there that needs a signature by a parent, do it. Read it over, talk it over and place it back into the planner to be returned to school.

Nope.

I'd had my first Ladies Night out with K and S in 3 years, and we just had dinner and a couple of drinks.  Little J was texting my phone begging me to let him do his homework after he came back.  I said 'no,' reminding him what the deal was.  Homework first or no games.  He fought with me and said, 'I only have 24 hours with my dad!' I had to call J and ask him to take his phone away because that wasn't in the plan, and homework was #1.  20 minutes later little J is texting me again, asking to finish his work at home because it's too hard.  I called J once more and asked him to take the phone away.  He argued with me that he was trying to figure out his schoolwork because neither of them understood it.  I get that, I've been there, so I told J to use ChatGPT for help. It works for me, and I understand things better.  J didn't like that answer and said, 'I got this!' and hung up on me.  Okay then.

The kids were dropped off Saturday evening, and since R and I went out for a day date on the boat, so we came back tired and hungry.  We went out with our village for dinner, and we were all wanting to pour ourselves into bed by the time we got home.  Mind you this is at 8:30 pm on a Saturday!  

Sunday evening, I took out the kids' lunch boxes and noticed a few papers shoved at the bottom of little J's bag.  There was a piece of homework, and paperwork needing a parent signature due to the missing work.  I was fuming!  I didn't even bother texting J because it would have done no good, so instead I recopied the work and had it ready for him Monday morning.  He can finish it during breakfast.  

It didn't take him 10 minutes, and all the answers were correct.  I showed him where to put the work, make sure he turns it in and threatened him with another day added onto his grounding if it wasn't turned in.  I hate threatening him with this. I want to see him succeed.

After they got on the bus, I also had to update my documentation paper regarding J's 'cooperation' with their work.  I don't want to take J back to court, but at this point I don't have a choice.  He's not doing his part in being a parent (when he says he wants to), and it's taking its toll here at the house.  Little J comes back with this attitude and tells me how he 'forgot' his other homework.  Co-Parenting is a joint effort, and I feel I'm the one doing most of the work.  

All I want are the kids to do well, be well, act well and do something good with their lives.  I want them to understand school is a mandatory thing.  No parent wants to see their kids fail.  I know little J has it in him, I saw it when he finished his homework so quickly.  What I'd like is it not to be just a one-way street, where I'm the only one putting in all the effort.  Granted, when I'm helping little J, when he learns you can see the sparks go off in his head.  I love that for him!

A joint effort goes a long way for a child when they see the parents working together, and unfortunately all that's going on is J doesn't work with me.  He doesn't understand consistency.  In other words, when I call to tell him problems going on I get the 'woah is me,' and what sounds like he cares and wants to help voice, but his actions prove otherwise.