Like Mother Like Daughter

Ok, so there might be.  I have unfortunately followed in my mother's footsteps on dating cowboys and bad boys.  Therefor I might have replicated my mother's dating actions.

Her longest relationship before my dad, and by dad, I mean the man she's been married to the past 17 years.  He was a guy who I absolutely couldn't stand.  I don't know what she saw in him, but more than likely he was a total green flag before they moved in together.  When I moved in with them at 15, I noticed how they interacted and there was a lot of control thrown at me through her, but by him.

When I went to live with my mom, I was a rebellious 15-year-old, but weren't we all?   He had a son my age, whom I got along with pretty well until I started taking an interest in the most popular guy in school.  His son had the ability to do whatever, with whoever, whenever he wanted but God forbid I could.  Let me throw in there, I lost my virginity to my HSS (high school sweetheart), and when that came out all hell broke loose.  Long story short, my mother was hard on me not only because I was a girl, and her daughter, but it had a lot to do with her boyfriend too.  Neither of us saw it, and I don't think anything would have been done regardless because she was blind to love.  Maybe the concept of what she thought it was.

I personally think he was trying to control both of us, considering how he'd act and react towards me.  I knew she always wanted the best for me, but she wasn't the mom then she was before I moved in.  I wanted a best friend mom, not a mom who wouldn't let me grieve for the sad moments in my life.

She finally left this guy when she discovered he was cheating on her with her best friend.  History repeated itself in my life, when my ex-husband cheated on me.  I think the upside is, her ex married her best friend and later on in life, divorced.  I think there was another cheating scandal, but karma works in mysterious ways.

She and I have this thing, she won't admit it, but she and I were desperate for love when our hearts are broken.  It's the want to feel accepted and loved.  Like her, I put my all into any relationship always people pleasing.  

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That brings us back to the present.

I don't actively try to people please R, or anyone at that anymore.  I don't ask 'what color nails do you want me to have?' I know, cringe, right?  I don't ask his opinion on how I should dress, or what I have to do to make him happy because I do it for myself and he appreciates how I take care of the household on my own.  I thought the existence of a woman was to be there for a man, based on how my first relationship was, and it took so many years to finally snap out of it.  My mother told me once, 'find a man like your dad.'  

She wasn't wrong.  I laugh about it to myself on the daily when R leaves a light (or three) on in the house, or tools out on the counter.  Why? It's the little things that tell me there's no reason to get upset and to appreciate who he is, along with the fact of how hard he works to provide for us.  

Three years, I've been with a man who accepts me, appreciates me and the kids.  We haven't rushed anything it's been a go with the flow kind of relationship that makes me love it more.  Three years of living a life of what a healthy family should feel like.  

I hope my daughter doesn't follow in my footsteps of previous relationships, because I know with R's help, she will do so much better and take her time when she's ready at finding love.