Before Vacation

 So, I'm writing this the day before we leave for Los Cabos.  I've been watching videos and reading all about it.  Oh I'm in for it that's for sure and my anxiety is kicking into full gear!  I was talking to R about it the other day and he told me, 'Don't compare this to Hawaii.  They are day and night, and where we are going this time is a party area.'

I'm officially entering my 'Oh shit, I'm getting old,' era.  

Hawaii was peaceful, serine and above all romantic.  Cabo, I think is going to put my name on its hit list, because I'm really wanting to wake up on the daily with a hangover.  I know I don't have to drink, and of course I will be, but it won't have to be to the point I put out an alert for my liver by the next day.  

I've realized how much of a home body I've become.  Wine at night with a movie or book, with the dim lighting and quiet house is what has been my comfort level.  The TikTok videos I'm seeing are foam parties, black lights, and complete drunken stupors.  Not to mention, all of the people.  The crowds.

In my 20's and bartending era, I was such a social butterfly.  I frequented the pool table, sat at the bar and loved dancing.  Now, the bar doesn't even appeal to me.  There are times I wish I had a pool table in our upstairs game room instead.  I know what this is.  I'm getting myself worked up instead of hyped up and all it's doing is peeking my anxiety.  

Being in my (early) 40's now, I'm judging my mentality, my body and everything that goes with growing older.  I don't consider myself unattractive, but I'm the worst when it comes to body dysmorphia.  My tan right now is uneven due to the recent jet ski trips we've been making on the weekends.  It never fails how much sunscreen I apply or reapply; I'm burnt by the time I get home.  Currently, my shoulders are peeling, and I can't even use my Peta Jane!  That's $80 plus dollars down the drain.

Maybe I can drink enough where I'm not wondering if I'm too pale, or my stomach is bulging from bloat.  Don't think I'm wanting attention when I get there, no.  I'm wanting to fit in, not stick out and I certainly want to look good next to R.  

I'm also going to just throw out the idea of any romantic memories.  If you know you know, and I don't mean sex.

So again, this was written before our trip and by the time this is published, I'll be home for an update.  For now, it's time to make breakfast for the kids before I drive them to my parents' house where they'll be while we are gone.  I've been away from them for almost 2 weeks this month already, but they deserved a vacation too.  

I do tell myself that sometimes parents need a vacation of their own.  I mean, we did go to Hawaii in 23' and we were apart from them, but that was 4 days.  This is a week and a half!  

Here's to summer vacations.  Memories, fun and growth.