Off Days

 We all have them.  Usually, it's the kids who have them the most and sometimes 4 times a month.  I get it, its over stimulation considering they went back to school.  However, I had the worst 'off day' this week, and it was one of those chain reaction snowball days.  What can go wrong, will go wrong.

It was a 'normal' day.  Woke up, kids went to school, and I already had it in my mind I needed to mow our yard.  3 acres of grass, with several trees.  Mowing takes up about 2/3 of the work in itself, the other process is weed eating and blowing all the debris away.  This is something I'm used to, or so I thought.

Before R left for work, he made the same suggestion and that's when it started.  I already knew what I was going to do that day, so I said, 'that's a great idea.'  I don't know why I felt sarcasm was the best way to handle this, but I think I sealed my fate.   

Mowing started in the front yard, and going along the lines of the house.  Not a problem, as always, I got this.  I lost it at the side of the house where the grass is more dirt, and the wind seems to know which direction to throw it in your face.  My contacts were irritated at this point, and my shades were doing nothing to help.  Finally, I made it to the backyard, and the irritation was growing.  With every bump, I'd be almost thrown from the mower.

You think I'm making this up? No.  On a 360 mower the seat bounces and considering all the deer we've had back there it's gotten worse.  Let's just say, I threw a temper tantrum.  Not the kind of murmuring to yourself type of tantrum, no.  It was 'fuck this shit, I hate this yard...' with contemplation of driving the mower into the lake.  

I lost a part of the mower because R forgot to mention there was a nut loose, and it happens here and there.  I thought I broke the damn thing.  He reassured me, it wasn't my fault.  It was the weed eating that set me off.  I had to pull the mini four-wheeler out and cart myself around the house and yard, because at this point the weather was close to 100 degrees.  I was literally finishing the driveway, and the string ran out.  Of course.

So, I went to reload it and it wouldn't wrap.  It wouldn't hold, and then it wouldn't release.  I was sweating horribly inside the shop, when I finally took a moment to chug some Gatorade and calm myself.  Finally, the string was ready to go.  As I was finishing the last edge one string broke, it wouldn't extend, and I only had one small piece hanging out of the end.  Fuck. This.  I finished with that one sad little string making its way up the drive like the little engine that could.  All this added 30 minutes to being in the heat.  I wasn't happy.

I legit tried to throw the weed eater back onto the wall where it usually hangs and it retaliated.  I now have a horrible bruise on the knuckle of my left hand.  

Moving on to the blower.  The key is to choke it, pull it 3 times and by the fourth it'll start.  Nope!  It started on the second, and I didn't turn the choke off fast enough.  This added about 20 more pulls in order to start it.  I found out that throwing it down and kicking it didn't do me any good either, much less throwing my hat and shades across the shop with a loud 'fuck!'  Mind you, it was almost 100 degrees outside, I'm 5'4 and barely weigh 102 lbs. trying to start this big backpack blower.  

I took a breath and tried again.  5 pulls later nothing, and I lost it again.  I caught myself almost punching our new boat and stopped.  Okay, calm down.  Then I tried to figure out why the hell I was so angry as it was.  This wasn't normal for me.  I skipped that mental session till after I was finished.  

When everything was finished and I was in the shower I started to analyze my mind, my actions and my body where I beat the hell out of myself.  My foot is swollen and bruised from trying to kick the blower, and my left hand is the same for yeeting the weed eater.   The yard looks great, but why in the hell did I lose my shit?

R usually does the mowing and when he's home, I have help.  It was new string for the weed eater, and he could have helped me figure out what went wrong.  The blower was difficult, and he could have helped me start it.  The mower had an issue, and it could have been repaired with a single nut. The dusty grass?  Inevitable.  Now it comes down to, what can I do to avoid those same actions?

Don't do it all in the same day.  If I had to split it up, do just that and don't overdo it.  Heat exhaustion is a thing, and I could have hurt myself, and not just by beating up the equipment.

Dear Self,
As rhetorical as this sounds, you need to take a breath and stop trying to prove you can do it all.  I mean, you are getting older and things like this are going to become more difficult.  Suck it up and accept it.

P.S. The yard looks great!