Option A or Option B

 Several days ago little J came home from school.  We have a routine of 'how's your day?' 'what did you learn?' 'Do you have homework?' with snacks before homework.  I don't like to make the kids sit down immediately after getting home because they need wind down time.  The bus counts in my opinion too, but it's here at the house when it's different.

He sat down after and knocked out one math page in 15 minutes.  This is a record for him since he's been struggling to focus, do it right and check it.  He started the second page and it was every couple of minutes he'd be asking a question.  I had dinner set for 6, and this worked well because he could finish the first 2 pages of math before then.  It took him more than the 30 minutes with the questions in between.  

After we ate, I moved him from the table to his room because I had the TV on and he will get distracted by that.  He barely started when I moved his ginger ale away from his arm.  As mothers, we can 'see into the future' with drinks and homework.  I turned around, took 3 steps and heard the awful sound of the can tip over and drink spill out.  Needless to say, I was livid and my actions after were not the best.  They were downright horrible.  

I yelled louder than I ever have and started cussing towards him.  His eyes filled with tears.  I didn't even feel bad in that moment.  I explained how I've told him many times 'no food or drink in your room.'  He does it anyways and always tells me 'It's the last time I promise.' I never is.  I asked him why it spilled after I moved it away, and he told me because he immediately moved it back.  I calmed down and had him get back to his homework.  Within 5 minutes I was angry again, because I checked the school app to find out he'd 'forgotten' 4 more pages of homework at school.  

No TV.  No PlayStation. No Phone. No iPad.  I'd had it with the 'I forgot. I didn't remember. I'm sorry.'  This has been since day 3 after school started.  He's barely passing math and social studies and still has one paper to turn in SINCE the first week of school.  Every day I tell him, 'Finish this and turn it in.' There's always an excuse why he's not done it, and I had to throw my hands up.

I called my mother and told her 'I fucked up, this is what I did.' Then I explain why I reacted.  I told her he's not doing his work; he's forgetting and just not doing his work.  She then proceeded to ask me over and over and over again, 'What is going on in that house? Why are you acting this way? Something is going on!' I can't tell her the day of my outburst I had a fever and slept most of the day, because I already know her reaction.  Parents don't get sick days, we still have to push through for our kids, and when R is out of town, I'm the only one here.  So, in short, I was literally, exhausted.   It doesn't excuse my outburst towards J, but there's nothing going on.

She then told me I should either 'Give little J to J (his father) or me, because you can't seem to handle it.'  It took every fiber in my body not to hang up on this woman.  I love her, I do but for her of all people to say just that had my blood boiling.  

This was the same woman who gave me and my brother up to her parents when we were under 4 years old.  To this day I'll never know why, nor do I want to because I forgave her a long time ago.  Regardless, why the hell would she even say that to me.  I understand parenting isn't easy, but she should know it's not perfection either and as parents we have the right to lose our shit occasionally when we've repeated the same thing over and over and over again when all we are trying to do is help our kids.  

Was my reaction right towards little J? No! He's old enough to know better and I think it was my breaking point with the 'I forgot.'  His ADHD doesn't help, and I'm literally working on getting that situation handled.  

Just because I blew up at my child doesn't mean something bad is going on in my home.  My spouse is out of town for work, and I am the one handling everything here.  I just had enough with him not listening to me.  I don't want to see my child fail, but I also don't want to keep telling them about the same thing over and over and over again and when something bad happens they cry because they didn't listen.  

In the end, little J had an ultimatum.  He's 11, and in 5th grade so you do your work and pass, or you don't and get held back.  I don't want to see him fail, but I'm not going to have him ask for my help and not turn in the work.  I do explain to him, 'I can't help you if you can't help yourself. If you want my help, then finish the work if we put all of this energy into it.'