It takes a Village

So, it takes a village is more than just a saying about child-rearing.  It is evidence of the power of community and shared effort.

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I met my 'village,' in June 2022 during the very early moments of dating R.  We had our routine weekend together, and he invited me to dinner with his village.  It consisted of his cousin, married to his best friend, their 3 kids, his other best friend married and with their little girl.  It was of course at a Mexican restaurant. 

I was the first to arrive, so I grabbed a table for 10 and waited.  His cousin, S, walked in first and greeted me.  I def held onto the 'shy, quiet' persona for a while till I felt comfortable enough to relax and be myself.  They knew I was R's sisters' best friend, so they were super warm with me.  That was by far appreciated.  We had drinks over good conversation and then came back to R's house.

Little did I know how close everyone was until a few months in.  I mean, I saw it and I heard him talk about them all the time, but it was still unfamiliar to me because I've never been involved with something so tight knit.  It was a family.  Granted, I had a family and growing up it was very similar until it broke apart one death at a time.  By this I mean, after I moved out, my great-grandparents passing away, my family wasn't the same.  Christmas', Thanksgivings, you name it.  When we all did get back together, it was awkward. 

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Bringing you back to the now, it was over our 'Ladie's Night,' just me, S and K we discussed this.  Our Village.  I told them how amazing it was when I heard stories how S would cook for R and have him over all the time to make sure he was okay.  By this I mean, during his relationship with his ex and even after.  I appreciated how much they love and care for him.  

Apparently, R's ex (let's call her P) was okay with it for a very short moment while they were dating and as soon as they moved into the new house, it changed.  She despised him visiting them all the time or being with them.  She couldn't stand the family get togethers or the dinners.   I don't understand why she wouldn't like or appreciate family taking care of family.  

There are times R will say, 'Hey, I'm going to go to S and A's, are you okay with that?' I will usually ask why or say 'Bye-bye.  Have fun!' Simply because there are times I just want to stay home or have to be home to do things that need to be done.  It doesn't bother me at all if he wants to go a few streets over or even into town.  He needs his time just as much as I do.  The first year of our living together he would ask, 'are you mad at me for going over there?' after he'd return.  Actually, I'd say 'no, I got to enjoy a hot shower and read my book.  Did you have fun?'  That's what mattered to me.  

Since the kids and I have moved in, our village has been our family.  Yes, we have our internal 'at our home,' family, but they are also our family outside of these walls.  We all parent each other's kids, we are there when shit hits the fan, and we stick by each other no matter what.  This, this is what I really love since being with R.  I've given him a family, and he's given me one in return.  

Granted, it was earned.  I also found out recently I was labeled as a gold digger in the beginning.  I get it, but it sucks too.  I think it was due to R's past relationships who've used, abused and burnt him badly.  However, I don't agree with being judged based on his past choices, from those who weren't too willing to get to know me. 

Now, here we are.  A village.  A family.  We have our ups and downs, we might not always agree but we are a village always hear for each other.