Longest Week Ever

This entire week, I've worked from home.  I'm feeling like not only a burden to my co-workers, but also to my children.  I'm definitely working while I'm home, basically sitting at my desk for hours on end, because it's constant calls.  Between calls, I'm taking temperatures, disinfecting, feeding, medicating and more for my kids.  I feel so bad for them.

Little J's fever finally broke Wednesday morning, but I couldn't send him to school because it needs to be 24 hours.  As for E, her fever kept pushing hard, and due to her coughing I had to contact her pediatrician through the off hours line, and he said there's nothing we can do but hydrate her and make her rest.  Let's not forget the phlegm coughs that are still with both kids.  I know for a fact they caught the bug R had a couple weeks ago, and it took a bigger toll on them than anyone would think.

They did happen to tell their father about the virus attack, and of course they get a 'oh I'm so sorry. I hope you feel better.'  It got me thinking too, when the kids were coming down with a cold or anything before they'd leave for his weekend, I would pack any type of meds needed for the situation.  When it's here, there's nothing.  No, 'hey, do they need anything,' nothing.  I guess I shouldn't complain or even bring it up, but to me it shows me who the primary parent is.  J doesn't even reach out to me asking how the kids are or if they have even been to a doctor.  Granted, I have called the doctor and all they tell me is the flu is going around and keep rotating medications like I have been.  

I think this is why I don't tell J anything that goes on with the kids.  He never asks.  I found out mid-week, both kids went to see J's oldest son's new baby.  A 1-day old baby, and within a day of returning, both my kids had raging fevers.  I text J to inform his oldest son both kids were sick and all I got was a 'thumbs up' on my text.  Do I really think he told him?  Probably not, because that's how I knew him to be.  What I found hysterical, was a night little J passed out early.  His phone was pinging off the hook, and it was the group chat with N (his half-brother who has a new baby) and J.  Apparently N was telling both of them how he hadn't slept in a few days due to the new baby.  I saw J reply, 'I didn't sleep with you much when you were a baby, I empathize.  You were worth getting up for.'  

I literally busted out laughing, because J got up twice with little J and never with E.  In fact, I remember nothing but him complaining when the kids would wake up needing bottles.  It broke me when E was home not even a month after being born, and she woke up crying for a feeding.  He woke up, flung the covers over his head and said, 'Am I ever going to get any fucking sleep?'  Mind you, I was working full time, taking care of both kids, and the household while putting dinner on the table before this man got home from having sex in his vehicle after clocking out.  

Ahh memories.  

What's crazy to me, is when the kids come into my room at 1 AM, 3 AM, 5 AM for who cares the reason, I don't mind.  I'm glad they can come to me and R knowing we will take care of them.  I was so grateful for R one night E got literally sick all over her bed, and he helped me clean it up without any complaints.  His biggest concern was making her comfortable and feel better.  

There are so many times I wish I'd have seen the red flags with J, but we wouldn't be where we are if I had.  I wouldn't have these amazing kids, and I wouldn't have this amazing man.  It really sucks you have to drown just to be saved and revived.