Never Have I Ever

 Had to deal with a crazy ex.

I take that back.  I have had my share of ex's that would stalk my socials and reach out, but I would block them quickly. I don't play games, because I don't have the energy.

However, never have I ever had to deal with someone else's crazy ex.

'R' was in a long-term relationship before me, and from what I know about it, was extremely toxic.  So, what he's mentioned to me was, they were good for the first 3 years.  I shake my head when I'm reminded of this because of the conflicting stories.  It was back and forth, she would break up with him, return to his (former) best friend and then when it didn't go her way, she'd retreat back to 'R.'  I find this gross on so many levels.  

Either way, the stories are there in my head from not only him, but so many people who are now close to me.  She was an abusive alcoholic, who would hide it from everyone and when confronted would lose her mind.  One of those people who run home, guzzle a bottle of wine and return smashed.  She apparently was more like a vampire, never sleeping, doing things like 'powder,' smoking, just reckless activities.  This wasn't what 'R' wanted.  They parted ways in 2022 a few days before he and I met.

When we entered our relationship, it was rocky simply because he and I both were coming out of toxic relationships.  Him more than me, because he was trauma bonded with his ex.  I was trauma bonded to my ex-husband, but I had a few years to break that, as 'R' was still freshly wounded.  I respected his boundaries, and we got through one hell of a rough spot a few months into it.  

Either way, soon after that 'rough spot,' the crazy came out.  

His ex reached out to me, at 3:30 am and blindsided me.  I learned from my past not to immediately jump to a hasty reaction.  Instead, I listened and spoke with kindness.  That's what we both did, she spoke to me while I listened.  However, some of the things she said to me, didn't add up even with me only knowing her side. 

I ended those conversations when I had 'R's' side.

It didn't stop there.  The next two days, she blew up my Facebook messenger with endless calls and messages throughout the day well into the next morning.  By next morning we are talking 12 AM, 2 AM, 3AM.  I'm thrilled to say, I have this wonderful setting my phone goes into after 9 PM called 'Do Not Disturb.'  

Next, it was other forms of social media.  TikTok is a horrible app, however I can't say that too much as I have my own social media. Regardless, due to her reaching out to me, and my past experience with trauma I did quietly keep up with hers for a few weeks until I realized I'm losing minutes of my life I'll never get back. Her page was dark, and I know social media is a facade, hers was real.  Real sad, real painful, and really screaming for help. Screaming videos wanting him back, digs, you name it. [BLOCKED]

Most of 2023 if I can recall, was quiet.  It was 2024 that got me, and of all holidays again, it was Valentine's Day.  She reached out to my personal number, because in the past I never gave mine to her.  I still don't know who gave her my number, but I called her back with a typical 'who is this.'  Immediately finding out it was her; I hung up and pressed blocked.  

August 2024, another random hate message came through.  R was out of town on business, and it put me back in that mental anxiety place, I was desperate to never see again.  I sent it to him, and we spoke about it.  Another mirrored message to the previous.  We both went down the rabbit hole and checked for crazy online.  He called me back later that night and confirmed himself.  'Most of those videos (as of 2024 then and prior) are about me.' I verified and he was right.  She would clearly deny this claim, however when she's wearing his old clothes, and using his names... what other assumption would you have? [BLOCKED AGAIN]

November 2024 was the last time me or 'R' had anything from her.  It was so hateful, and then it followed with him getting a text from a lawyer regarding her.  I immediately researched her in the court system, and low and behold there she was facing felony charges for DUI, cocaine and having a handgun while drinking and driving.  Let's include, she totaled her vehicle.  I can't feel sorry for someone who's in this predicament, and preaching 'healing.'  

Within a WEEK of that information, her mail started showing up at our house regarding her court cases, so I did my due diligence simply because my patience was expired.  I printed off her mugshot, all the court documents, included her mail with a 'RETURN TO SENDER PLEASE CHANGE YOUR DAMN ADDRESS,' and included a final handwritten note in hopes she realized I'm not interested in her games.  I took photos of everything, dropped them in her mailbox and informed 'R.'  

My actions were justified, and I'd had enough of the grey area contact.  Ex's only do this type of stuff for attention, and she was the bad dog begging for it. Therefore, I gave it to her.

Since then, I was put on 'R's' phone plan with a new number, and it's been quiet. I like my peace, and I like not thinking about the past, as I hypocritically write about it here.  I still await when I get another message, and if you're questioning why I can't report her, I'll tell you.

I have contacted the authorities, and in my county the DA will not press charges on anyone for virtual harassment.  It's probably the craziest thing I've ever heard of, but it is what it is.  Not to mention, with random numbers, I'm assuming burner numbers, I cannot prove it's her even though her texting mirrors all her previous to us.  

Here we are 6 months since my number change, sipping my coffee and enjoying the peace.