We are a team

The other day, R and I were doing yard work together and as I was weed eating, a thought crossed my mind.

___________________________

I learned at a very young age, what outside responsibilities included.  On a farm it was feeding the livestock, taking care of the yard, and all the details that went into it.  I was 7 when I started using the riding mower and was told how to use it.  I remember mowing the first time, then trimming the bushes, cleaning the yard and blowing the clippings off the walkway and after sitting on the porch with an ice pop.  I felt accomplished.  

I thought back to when J and I were married, and how much help I really got from him.  In the beginning, he was all hands on when it came down to it.  It didn't last long honestly, and I guess it had a lot to do with his military job.  Regardless, I was typically inside making sure the house was clean and picked up, but I really enjoyed being in the yard doing that work too.  What I loved most was the feeling when I would come home or guests would visit how the yard looked while pulling into the drive.  'I did that.'  

Being a former military wife, there are a lot of challenges when it comes to being alone.  You work, you fend for yourself, and you have to learn how to do it on your own.  I was grateful growing up I was taught how to do a lot of that.  Alone.  After J came back from each deployment, I continued as if he was still gone.  Trash, yard, vehicle maintenance, pay the bills, clean the pool, all the things that come with being a homeowner.  I can only remember a handful of times when he'd help me.  I blame myself for that because not only did I get used to doing myself, but I had a routine to keep. 

___________________________

When I moved in with R, he was the one doing all of the yard work.  He would mow, weed eat and blow the clippings.  I watched him for weeks, and I'd ask to help. He politely told me no, because he has his routine and knows how he likes the yard to look.  I kept asking.

Finally, he allowed me to use the mower.  It wasn't the old school mowers, no.  This was the 360 all the new gadgets installed kind, in other words foreign to me.  He was patient and taught me exactly what to do.  The first time he was out of town, I took care of the yard from top to bottom.  I was so proud, I posted photos on Facebook.  He thanked me for my hard work and told me how impressed he was at my first go.

Last year, he was involved in a vehicle accident that resulted in surgery and a lot of down time.  My 'former military wife deployment days,' kicked in.  I made sure the kids were taken care of every day, he was taken care of, the house, the yard, the vehicles and our pets.  I wouldn't allow him to do anything, even drive while he recovered.  I guess that's how I work.  I don't know, but it felt good taking care of everyone.  

I'm not saying I didn't feel good when I did the same things with J, but the difference between now and then is R appreciates my help.  J thanked me, but it was more 'thanks,' and when he'd brag to people, they would tell him how a woman needs to do those things regardless.  With R, he brags, but he's grateful and appreciative.  He helps me when he can tell I'm mentally or physically overloaded.  He likes being out there with me and we both get to feel the accomplishment together, then enjoy an ice pop on the patio after.  

Feeling appreciated goes much further than a pat on the back and a stoic 'thanks,' in my opinion.  What feels even better is the fact, I don't have to ask or beg R to do anything, he just does it.  I mean, I might mention 'hey, the trash needs to go out tonight,' and he gets it done.  I shouldn't compare, but again this is a hypocritical blog for me.  It's how I release the tension I've felt for years.  

J gave me the idea of what I thought a partnership was.  R actually shows me what it is, and that goes much further for me mentally, physically and emotionally.  

0 comments