Divorced Parents

He would tell me endless stories of playing with N while he was little.  He'd open the door and N would be there, 'Dad! Let's play!' and they would be off on some back yard adventure, out in the woods camping, fishing or doing something other than being in front of the TV.  With J and E, I get the same story every time they come home. They'll tell me how their father played video games with J, and E would have his phone doing her own thing because they wouldn't play with her.

The first month I moved in with R back in 2023, the kids would tell me how my ex would take them here or there.  It stopped quickly because they said he had things to do at home, like cleaning.  This man never cleaned when I was with him.  He moved out of that house and now lives with his 30-year-old son and girlfriend who are expecting a baby this November.

This week I called him about a school issue with J.  I explained to him how homework was the most important thing before free time because he's been struggling with it.  I remember how he lost his patience when N was in school and I asked that he be patient with J because he's diagnosed with having high ADHD.  As a parent, I'm doing everything I can to help him, and I've had to even schedule a doctor appointment in regard to medication to help him focus.  It's not something I want him to do, but it's something that'll help him so I'm for it.  

Regardless, he brought up the holidays so we could schedule that.  We discussed Thanksgiving pick up and drop off as they will be out of school that week.  He said he wanted me to drive up and drop them off this time since the night before he will be getting out of work late and he's cooking Thanksgiving dinner at his son's house.  I was a little blown away, but I asked him 'What do you mean you're cooking?' He basically came right out and said, 'I'm cooking so it's either I cook, or I come get the kids for Thanksgiving.' I was blown away.  I had to ask him how picking up our kids would interfere with cooking when there are 4 more adults in that household who can do the cooking while he come get the kids.

He then proceeded to tell me that he's doing the turkey.  I said, 'You do realize that if you thaw it the night before, and pop it in right before you leave it'll cook slowly and by the time you get back with the kids, it won't even be done yet?' He kept trying to tell me that he has to be there and cook the entire meal.  I said, 'N is a grown man at this point, and there are 3 other adults in that house, I'm sure they can watch the turkey cook and do other things while you come get the kids.'  I don't know what his thought process was in all of this, but in the end, I just threw my hands up and said I'd drop them off this time.  I'm doing this for the kids, not for my ex.

It's nowhere close to my interest in keeping the kids from their father, however he tried telling me dinner was more of a priority.  If he'd have said, 'let's just skip Thanksgiving this year with me and they stay with you,' I'd be absolutely okay with that!  Either way, I'll be driving to take the kids to them so they can have Thanksgiving with N, their father and N's new baby.  

Christmas, the kids are with us this year and R and I cannot be happier.  Last year was nice, but it wasn't fun without them.  New Year's however we will have them because apparently my ex has to work on New Year's Day.  Personally, I think this works out for the best because he will have them that weekend as is considering New Year's lands on a weekday this year.  

What gets me the most is the fact my ex is doing all of these things he never did while we were married.  He never cooked holiday meals or even helped with the sides.  He would have his beer, and 'watch' the kids while I did 99% of everything.  Personally, I hope he's changing for the better and for the kids, but why was it so hard when you were with someone who loved you?

This is what makes me appreciate my life.  I cook for the kids because they love the variety, and me personally, I enjoy seeing them try new flavors and foods.  R and I take the kids out every weekend if it's not nasty weather and we go places even if it's to our family's house so they can play and be kids.  I'm not trying to bash my ex, but why the change now? Why couldn't it have been done when it needed to be done the most?

I have noticed how complacent R has been with me though.  The biggest mistake I can say I did and I'm doing is enabling.  My biggest flaw is being too much of wife material sometimes, but no matter how hard I've tried in the past and even now, it's not something that can be easily changed.  It's just who I am with or without a man.